Noah Enteen, LMFT

Could Your Family Benefit from Family Counseling?

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Does your family love and support one another unconditionally? Do you have fun together? Do you find talking with your spouse and children is easy and effective?

If you had to really pause and think about your answers to these questions, there’s a chance your family may not be as cohesive as you once thought or hoped. And that’s okay, not every family acts like something out of a 1950s television sitcom. Most have their own fair share of problems.

If you’ve never considered working with a therapist before, here are some benefits of family therapy:

Improved Communication

There aren’t many families out there that have flawless communication skills. It’s actually far more common for family members to feel that they can’t open up to one another. This of course leads to a disconnect between spouses or parents and children.

A family therapist can facilitate effective and respectful communication between your family members.

You’ll Understand Your Kids Better

Do you find yourself going slightly insane in an attempt to understand why your one child lies so much? Are you scratching your head as to why your other child is constantly hitting your first child?

We all think because our kids are made from our DNA that we’ll have some magical insights into why they do what they do. Nope. The truth is, most parents are in a constant state of stupefaction over their child’s behavior.

Family therapy will help your child feel safe enough to express their thoughts and feelings, giving you many A-ha moments.

Help Your Kids with Self-Esteem Issues

Healthy self-esteem is the foundation for a successful life. But unfortunately, many kids grow up feeling less than confident or good about themselves. A child with self-esteem issues may be the product of a parent with self-esteem issues.

The great news is, a family therapist can help both children and their parents build up their self-esteem to become happier individuals and, a happier family.

Help You Deal with Grief

Whether it’s a divorce or the loss of a loved one, most families are ill-equipped to handle loss, especially sudden loss. A family therapist can guide each one of your family members through the stages of grief so they can heal.

If you’re interested in exploring treatment options, please get I touch with me. I’d be more than happy to discuss how I may be able to help.

 

SOURCES:

Filed Under: General, Parenting

5 Exercises & Tips to Lower Your Anxiety Before a Big Exam

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For many of us, college was absolutely the best time in our lives. The freedom and friendships made those four years incredibly special. But college isn’t all sparkles and unicorns. For others, college is a completely different and often negative experience.

As fun as it can be, it’s also incredibly stressful, especially when it comes time to take an exam. The bigger and more important the exam is, the more we tend to suffer from anxiety, and the less likely we are to do our best.

If this scenario sounds all too familiar to you, then use the following tips and exercises to help lower your anxiety before the next big exam you take:

1. Breathe Deeply

When we feel fear, our body can go into an adrenaline-fueled panic mode. This chemical and physical reaction is how our ancestors survived numerous threats. But in this state, our minds do not function properly. In fact, they often go completely blank.

When we take slow, deep breaths, we help our bodies go from the survival response to a relaxed response. This helps the blood flow back into our brain and helps us focus on the task at hand.

2. Change Your Perspective

Most of us think of tests as something designed specifically to trick us. The truth is, if you have studied and are totally prepared, then the test is actually an opportunity for you to show off how much you know.

The other truth is your professors WANT you to pass. When you pass, they look good. So stop going into the exam with a negative attitude and go in feeling confident and knowing your teachers want you to do well.

3. Start Strong

To set the right tone for the test, scan it to find those questions you are 100% sure about and answer those first. This will help you feel confident and put your mind into a free-flow thinking state.

4. Be Realistic

What is your history of taking exams? Have you generally done well in the past? Are you a good student that makes an effort? If so, remind yourself of these facts. It’s easy to have dramatic and unrealistic ideas floating around in your head right before an exam. Thoughts like, “I’m gonna fail and then I won’t pass the class and I won’t get my degree and will end up working at Starbucks the rest of my life if I’m lucky.”

This likely won’t happen so don’t make an already stressful situation worse by being unrealistic.

5. Exercise

Exercise the morning before your exam. This will not only release built-up tension in your muscles (make sure to stretch after your workout), but it will also release “feel-good” endorphins that will put you in a better frame of mind.

 

If you would like some extra help handling the stressors of academic life, please reach out to me today to schedule an appointment.

 

Sources:

https://psychcentral.com/lib/9-ways-to-reduce-anxiety-right-here-right-now/

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/in-practice/201502/test-anxiety-quick-tips

20 Effective Ways to Calm Your Nerves Before an Exam

Filed Under: Anxiety, School & Academics

5 Exercises & Tips to Lower Your Anxiety Before a Big Exam

by

For many of us, college was absolutely the best time in our lives. The freedom and friendships made those four years incredibly special. But college isn’t all sparkles and unicorns. For others, college is a completely different and often negative experience.

As fun as it can be, it’s also incredibly stressful, especially when it comes time to take an exam. The bigger and more important the exam is, the more we tend to suffer from anxiety, and the less likely we are to do our best.

If this scenario sounds all too familiar to you, then use the following tips and exercises to help lower your anxiety before the next big exam you take:

1. Breathe Deeply

When we feel fear, our body can go into an adrenaline-fueled panic mode. This chemical and physical reaction is how our ancestors survived numerous threats. But in this state, our minds do not function properly. In fact, they often go completely blank.

When we take slow, deep breaths, we help our bodies go from the survival response to a relaxed response. This helps the blood flow back into our brain and helps us focus on the task at hand.

2. Change Your Perspective

Most of us think of tests as something designed specifically to trick us. The truth is, if you have studied and are totally prepared, then the test is actually an opportunity for you to show off how much you know.

The other truth is your professors WANT you to pass. When you pass, they look good. So stop going into the exam with a negative attitude and go in feeling confident and knowing your teachers want you to do well.

3. Start Strong

To set the right tone for the test, scan it to find those questions you are 100% sure about and answer those first. This will help you feel confident and put your mind into a free-flow thinking state.

4. Be Realistic

What is your history of taking exams? Have you generally done well in the past? Are you a good student that makes an effort? If so, remind yourself of these facts. It’s easy to have dramatic and unrealistic ideas floating around in your head right before an exam. Thoughts like, “I’m gonna fail and then I won’t pass the class and I won’t get my degree and will end up working at Starbucks the rest of my life if I’m lucky.”

This likely won’t happen so don’t make an already stressful situation worse by being unrealistic.

5. Exercise

Exercise the morning before your exam. This will not only release built-up tension in your muscles (make sure to stretch after your workout), but it will also release “feel-good” endorphins that will put you in a better frame of mind.

 

If you would like some extra help handling the stressors of academic life, please reach out to me today to schedule an appointment.

 

Sources:

https://psychcentral.com/lib/9-ways-to-reduce-anxiety-right-here-right-now/

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/in-practice/201502/test-anxiety-quick-tips

https://www.onlineschoolscenter.com/20-effective-ways-to-calm-your-nerves-before-an-exam/

Filed Under: Anxiety, School & Academics

How to Come Out as an LGBTQA Adult

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Most of us had a childhood filled with both subtle and overt lessons of how people and things “should” be. Our family, culture, and society expect us to fit into a certain mold and behave a certain way. Because of the type of upbringing that many people experience, it can be very difficult for people in the lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, questioning, and asexual (LGBTQA) community to come out to family and friends, and to live openly as who they are.

What Does It Mean to “Come Out”?

For LGBTQA people, to “come out” is to acknowledge and let others know about their sexual or gender identity. There is no wrong way or time to come out; how, when, or if you do so is uniquely personal to you. To not come out means you’re withholding who you are from people you know and may care about, and you may have to lie and pretend. For some people, it’s less stressful to hide than to be open. Don’t feel pressure to come out; you are the only one who can decide what is the best life for you.

Coming Out as an Adult

Coming out later in life poses some unique challenges. By adulthood, many people are already established in their career and may even be married and have children. Family, friends, and co-workers see you in a certain way, and may be shaken when they realize that you are not the person they thought they knew. Not everyone you come out to will be accepting, and some relationships may permanently change.

However, if you’re ready to come out, it means you don’t want to hide anymore and are ready to enrich your life with authenticity. This will inherently bring many benefits to you and your relationships such as reduced stress from hiding your identity, increase your self-esteem by being known and loved for who you truly are, and developing richer and more genuine relationships.

What to Say

You may want to start by writing out what you want to say so you can organize your thoughts and feelings. Some people prefer to tell their loved ones face to face, while others would rather send an email or make a phone call. Whatever way you choose, be sure to come out at a time when you’re not angry or arguing with someone. Also keep in mind that if you receive a negative or less than accepting response, this is just their initial reaction; they may need additional time to process what you’ve shared with them.

Coming out is never easy. It may be difficult and awkward at first, but it will ultimately bring you joy and free you from the burden of hiding an integral part of you who are.

If you’re looking for support and guidance on coming out as an LGBTQA adult, a licensed mental health professional can help. Give my office a call today, and let’s schedule an appointment to talk.

Filed Under: LGBTQ

What Determines Gender Identity and How Can Parents Help?

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What makes someone feel they have been born into the wrong body? Gender identity is a prominent topic these days thanks to the transgender movement, yet many people are still uncertain about what causes this issue.

What is it, exactly, that determines whether an individual thinks of themselves as “male” or “female” or something else or neither of these two options? It seems that a possible answer to this question lies in the structure of our brains.

A considerable number of gender differences in the brain have been described and many are housed in the parts of the brain concerned with sexuality. For instance, an area of the brain that has to do with sexuality is larger in males than females and smaller in male-to-female transgender brains.

There are also reports of chemical differences in male and female brains, though there is still confusion as to how these differences, as well as size difference, relate to gender. Studies have also suggested that connections between brain areas may differ between genders, yet scientists struggle to interpret these findings in a meaningful way.

So, while we are a little closer to understanding this complex topic and understanding what exactly causes someone to identify with a different gender, there is still confusion and much to learn.

How Can Parents Help Their Transgender Child?

When a young person develops a physical disease or ailment, tests can be ordered, a diagnosis given and a treatment plan put into motion. When a young person identifies as a different gender, all of the answers don’t fall into place, and there isn’t one “correct” way to handle the situation.

So how can parents ensure they support their transgender child as they face an uncertain future and possible rejection and isolation?

Accept Their Identity

To be rejected by their parents can be profoundly damaging to a child. Most young people that come out as trans have thought a lot about their feelings and experiences before telling anyone. Their identity should not be treated as a passing phase or something “awful” they will grow out of.

So, believe your child about their status as trans and accept them.

Follow Their Lead

Transgender people are individuals. Not all will wear the same type of clothing. Not all will want to make the full transition. Don’t assume what your child’s journey will or should look like. Let them lead and you follow and support them.

Don’t Misgender or “Dead-Name” Your Child

Undoubtedly it will be hard to say goodbye to the child you gave birth to and have known for so long. But it will be important that you show love and respect to your child by referring to them as the right gender and by the name they now choose to go by, if you slip up, simply apologize. But don’t intentionally misgender or dead-name them.

You may find it very helpful to speak with a therapist during this time. He or she can help facilitate good communication between you and your child as well as help you navigate these new waters.

If you’d like to explore treatment options, please be in touch with me. I’d be more than happy to discuss how I may be able to help.

SOURCES:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/when-kids-call-the-shots/201706/parents-guide-the-gender-revolution

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/hormones-and-the-brain/201608/gender-identity-is-in-the-brain-what-does-tell-us

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/when-your-adult-child-breaks-your-heart/201703/strategies-supporting-transgender-child

Filed Under: Adolescents/Teens, Children, LGBTQ, Parenting

How to Talk to Your Young Child About LGBTQ People

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As a parent or caregiver, it can be difficult to know the right thing to say when kids question what we deem to be adult topics. Broaching topics of sexuality can be awkward and embarrassing for both parties, however it is a necessary conversation to have.

When it comes to talking about homosexuality and transgenderism, children should be given age appropriate information so they can better understand and empathize with others. Regardless of whether or not your child is LGBTQ, having a conversation about LGBTQ issues will help reduce prejudice while teaching compassion and empathy.

When to Talk

It’s never too late to start a conversation on issues of sexuality with your children. While there may be initial discomfort and reluctance from preadolescent children and older, ultimately having these discussions with your children will help them develop a sense of safety and security with you, while it teaches them tolerance and acceptance.

For young children, the age of 5 is a good time to begin discussing these topics by sharing some basic information with them.

What to Say

For young children, keep the conversation simple and focus on basic concepts. When talking about homosexuality, you can explain to your child that just as a man and a woman can fall in love, so can a man with a man, and a woman with a woman. When talking about transgenderism, you can explain that how a person looks on the outside isn’t always how they feel on the inside. You can refer to the familiar adage about “not judging a book by its cover.”

Children should understand the basic concept that even though people may be or look different than us, they are people just like we are and equally deserving of love, acceptance, and respect.

You Don’t Have to Know Everything

Your child may have questions that you can’t answer. It’s okay to admit to your child when you don’t know the right answer. This could be a discussion point for later after you’ve done some research, or it could be a good opportunity for you to learn from your child.

Are you a parent in need of parenting advice and support? A trained, licensed mental health professional can help. Call my office today, and we can set up an appointment to talk.

Filed Under: LGBTQ

Should Men Get Help for Toxic Masculinity?

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In the past few years, we’ve all heard the phrase “toxic masculinity” mentioned very often. But what is it really? Is it as big of a problem as everyone seems to think it is? And, if so, who does toxic masculinity hurt the most?

What is Toxic Masculinity?

The phrase and concept of toxic masculinity emerged from the men’s movement of the 80s and 90s. From here the phrase was adopted into classroom studies and university discourse.

But what does toxic masculinity look like in action? It could be the perpetuation of the idea that men shouldn’t feel their feelings or express their emotions. Or, worse, making anger and violence the only acceptable form of masculine emotion.

Toxic masculinity also refers to the idea that certain men have a habit of objectifying women and feeling superior to women. And perhaps the biggest failure of toxic masculinity is the idea that somehow all of this is perfectly normal and acceptable behavior and that “boys will be boys.” Certain behaviors and characteristics are valued within the concept of toxic masculinity while others are marginalized.

Who Does Toxic Masculinity Hurt the Most?

The knee-jerk response would be to say that toxic masculinity hurts women the most. After all, it is women who are “treated as second class citizens and objectified” because of toxic masculinity and the “patriarchal society.”

But I would suggest that men suffer even more from the very concept of toxic masculinity. When you think about it, both the role of men and women have changed over the last 50+ years. While women have become more empowered and have been invited to embrace their independence and strength, young men have gotten mixed messages. What is and is no longer acceptable seems to be ever-changing. At times it seems the war isn’t just against “toxic” masculinity, but masculinity in general. What does it even mean to be masculine these days and how are men supposed to navigate these tricky waters?

Therapy Can Help Men Develop a Healthy Sense of Self

Men are human beings, and many are hurting right now, confused as to what their role and identity is in this modern world. This, in turn, impacts the relationships men have with the women in their life and the family they create. In other words, there can be a devastating ripple effect.

Therapy offers men an accepting environment to explore their feelings and uncertainties and to develop their inner character. Working with a therapist can give men the opportunity to communicate what their mind and heart are feeling and make sense of the conflicting messages they often get from society.

If you or someone you love would benefit from therapy, please get in touch with me. I would be more than happy to support your journey to discover who you really and how you want to express yourself.

SOURCES:

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/humans/2020/02/does-toxic-masculinity-really-exist/

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/relationships/2018/10/4-ways-toxic-masculinity-traumatizes-men-not-just-the-women-who-love-them/

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/veganism/2019/08/veganism-and-masculinity/

Filed Under: Men's Issues

Navigating LGBTQ Parenthood with Your Partner

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The phrase “traditional family” no longer means one mom, one dad and two-point-five kids. Today’s families are diverse, with many lesbians and gay men forming a family unit through adoption, foster care, artificial insemination and other means. Research estimates that between six to 14 million children live with at least one gay parents in the United States alone.

Though it is, in some ways, simpler for LGBTQ adults to become parents in today’s more-inclusive climate, that doesn’t make it an easy proposition. Parenting is hard enough, but raising a child in an LGBT partnership or as an LGBTQ individual can be particularly challenging. This is especially true for those parents who live outside of bigger metropolitan areas with larger gay populations, where there is little to no chance of interacting with other LGBTQ parents.

Here are some of the most common concerns I hear from my LGBTQ clients when they begin to think about starting a family:

What About Role Models?

A big concern in the community is that a child will suffer from not having a male or female role model present on a daily basis. But research has shown that children of two moms and two dads grow up to be perfectly healthy and happy, in some cases more so than children who grew up in heterosexual households where a mom and dad were both present.

What About Homophobia?

It’s understandable that LGBTQ parents would worry that their child would be taunted, or even assaulted, because of their “non-traditional” family structure. No parent can 100% guarantee that their child will never be taunted or bullied, for any reason. LGBTQ couples and individuals should talk candidly with their children and prepare them for any possible negative interactions with peers. The best thing to do is to set an example by always standing tall and proud in the world, and not shying away from a confrontation while not escalating it.

What About Cost and Legal Issues?

LGBTQ parents can’t simply try to conceive, there is much more thought, planning and cost that goes into starting a family. Statistically, women make less money than men. When you factor in that getting pregnant can be incredibly expensive, you begin to understand why so many lesbian couples decide to hold off on becoming parents until they are financially stable. For many, this means waiting until their late 30’s or even early 40s.

Same-sex parents must also tackle legal issues. For men, who will be the sperm donor, if trying to conceive through insemination? Women must determine who will carry the child. Much thought is necessary when considering custody and adoption arrangements, particularly if parents live in a state where getting legal recognition for both parents is next to impossible.

Navigating these complexities can be overwhelming and stressful, to say the very least. My clients have found it to be tremendously helpful just to have someone who will listen and try and help them explore all of their options. I am also able to help couples work through any tension they may be experiencing because of this stress.

If you are an LGBTQ individual or couple who would like some help navigating the often-emotional journey of becoming a parent, please get in touch with me. I’d be more than happy to discuss how I may be able to help.

Filed Under: LGBTQ

Lean on Me: Why People with a Mental Health Crisis Need a Support Network

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Human beings have a need for social connection. It stems from our ancestors needing to stick together to stay alive. Back in the day, those individuals who strayed from the group had a harder time surviving the elements and not starving to death.

While it is far safer to be an individual these days, that doesn’t mean it is healthy for us to be isolated, for isolation undoubtedly threatens a person’s mental well-being.

It is for this very reason that people suffering from depression and other mental health issues need the love and encouragement from a support network

Social Connection: A Vital Part of Depression Recovery

When a person suffers from depression, they live with a constant pit of despair at their side. Every moment hurts and the truth about life remains elusive.

When we feel these dark feelings, there is a natural tendency to retreat and isolate ourselves. But this only makes the dark darker.

Recovery from depression is a complex process but you don’t need to go it alone. By surrounding yourself with friends and loved ones, you can continue to feel genuine connections, and each one of those connections is a light that can pierce through the darkness.

Research suggests there is a definite link between social relationships and many different aspects of a person’s mental health and wellness. It is for this reason that mental health professionals often discuss the importance of having a strong social network.

Get Yourself Social Support

Social support comes in many different forms. Sometimes you might need help with daily tasks if you are struggling with depression. Sometimes you may need an ear to listen and a shoulder to cry on, and sometimes you may need some sound advice.

Whatever you may be going through and whatever kind of help you need, here are some ways you can build a support network of people that love and care about you.

1. Create a List

Make a shortlist of friends and family members who have shown their love, kindness, and support in the past.

2. Make a Commitment

Commit to reaching out to someone on your list every week (if not more). You can do this through a phone call, text, email, or in person.

3. Be Honest

The people that love you can only help and support you if you are honest with them. When you reach out, share what is on your mind and heart. Talk openly about any struggles you are dealing with and be sure to be open to any fresh perspective or advice.

4. Get Out – When Possible

With COVID still affecting our lives, it’s not always easy to get out and be social in person but doing so is remarkably helpful and healing for our mental health. Phone calls and emails work in a pinch, but nothing beats spending time with loved ones in person.

It’s also important to mention that sometimes we need a bit more help than our loved ones can give. If, after forming your support network, you feel that you need additional help, it’s vital you reach out to a mental health specialist. He or she can give you tools and strategies that will help you recover from depression.

If you’d like to explore treatment options, please reach out to me. I’d be happy to discuss how I may be able to help.

 

SOURCES:

Filed Under: General

The Impact of Grief on Relationships

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Experiencing the death of a loved one is one of the most painful things each person must face. The shock of your beloved friend or family member having passed away, along with the finality of their death is difficult to deal with.

Everyone Mourns Differently

The process of mourning is a very personal experience. Because grief is so personal, each person reacts differently to the death of a loved one; your instinct may be to reach out and connect, and the instinct of your friend or relative may be to retreat, distract themselves with work or hobbies or shut down.

Your relationship with the deceased was a unique one, so the process in which you grieve the loss will also be unique and personal to you. The close friends and family that you would expect to be there for you in one of the most challenging times of your life may not be present in the way you’d hoped or anticipated. Even your spouse or partner may not provide the comfort you’d expect.

Relationships Impacted by Grief Will Change

Although it’s disappointing and hurtful to experience what feels like a breakdown in your relationships when you need them the most, you must realize that your friends, family and spouse are likely also affected by grief, and going through their own process of mourning.

It’s also important not to rely solely on your spouse for comfort. It’s healthier for both of you, and will ease the stress on your marriage, if you have other people to turn to for help.

The impact of grief is an incredible strain on your existing relationships, as who you are as a person is temporarily altered as you struggle to cope with the loss and find a way to move forward. Your close friends and loved ones may have difficulty coping with how you’re mourning, causing them to pull away temporarily. They could also be very used to seeing you as a source of strength, and a pillar, and seeing you in this vulnerable state (in addition to possibly dealing with their own grief) is more than they can bear.

Seek Out New Sources of Support

Maintaining relationships takes effort, and they’re vulnerable to the difficulties we face as we move through life. You may need to turn to distant family members, other friends or acquaintances, make new connections through bereavement groups or seek professional help from a mental health counselor to find solace and understanding.

Although we can expect bereavement to change our relationships, we can also expect some semblance of normalcy as everyone affected copes with the loss over the passage of time. By forgiving friends or loved ones who weren’t there for you as you dealt with your grief, you can re-establish lost connections.

If you’re having difficulty with your relationships as you grieve and need some understanding and guidance, please give me a call and we can set up an appointment to talk.

Filed Under: Couples/Marriage, Grief